Amusing Tales from a life of travel
Travel doesn’t always go to plan… and that’s the best part
You can’t travel without encountering the unexpected. Some moments are stressful, some frustrating… but often, they end up being the stories you remember most.
Here are a few of mine — mostly the amusing ones.
Head nets
We were lucky enough to visit the area around Uluru in Australia. The plane runs a bit like a bus service, so as we were getting off, others were queuing to get on — many wearing head net hats.
Once out of earshot, I said to my husband, they look ridiculous — and there are hardly any flies. You won’t catch me wearing one.
Later that day, we joined a guided walk around the base of the rock. As we boarded the minibus, the guide asked, “Has everyone got their head nets?”
Most had. We hadn’t.
We were handed some very fetching camouflage versions.
About 15 minutes into the walk, the flies arrived — not gradually, but properly. One by one, everyone who hadn’t already done so pulled their nets on. They stopped flies getting into eyes, ears, noses and mouths… but didn’t do much for dignity.
The walk ended at sunset with drinks and snacks laid out. The real challenge? Working out how to eat and drink through the net. It turns out we didn’t need to as the minute the sun set, the flies disappeared. Never judge first appearances.
The “solar heated” pool
I love swimming, so if it’s within budget, I’ll always choose a hotel with a pool.
On that same trip, we booked somewhere advertising a solar heated pool. Perfect.
Except… it was the coldest pool I’ve ever been in.
It was small but deep, so there wasn’t much surface area to heat, and night-time temperatures dropped well below 10°C. I couldn’t see any solar panels, so I asked a member of staff.
He pointed to the sky and said, simply, “It is…”
We clearly had very different interpretations of “solar heated.”
The unkind travel companion
On a 7-hour flight, I had booked an aisle seat. When I arrived, there was a young man at the window and a very large middle-aged man in the middle.
As I put my bag away, he asked, “Are you sitting there?” — not aggressively, but not warmly either.
He then turned to the other passenger and said, “You’ll have to swap with me — I don’t want to sit next to her.”
The young man politely declined.
I sat down. The man spread into my space and told me I needed to lean away so he wouldn’t touch me. Then he repeatedly pressed the call button.
When cabin crew arrived, he said, “I don’t want to sit next to her — I want an aisle seat.”
The crew member returned a few minutes later and said,
“Sir, you’re very fortunate today — we have one seat available in business class…”
Then she turned to me:
“…so if you’d like to follow me, madam.”
His face was worth the entire journey. And I had a fantastic flight.
Gin and… a bit of lemon
I once ordered a gin and bitter lemon.
I was given a shot of gin.
When I asked where the bitter lemon was, the barman pointed to the glass.
I had, quite literally, been given a gin and a bit of lemon.
Lasagne… or not
At a golf and country club, we were told how good the lasagne was. Two of our group ordered it.
When it arrived, I could tell from my husband’s face something wasn’t right — but he said nothing and tried another bite.
Then our friend said, “What is this? This is disgusting.”
At the same time, there was a commotion at another table.
It turned out a trainee chef had mixed things up — pouring béchamel over a bread and butter pudding (ours)… and custard over a lasagne (theirs).
Lost in translation (Christmas edition)
At a staff Christmas party, we asked for traditional food British Christmas fayre and some local food — including mince pies, “you know, the ones with icing sugar on top.”
What we got were small savoury pies… covered in icing sugar.
No such thing as a free chocolate cake
At a very nice hotel, the corridor lights outside our room hadn’t worked for three days. After finally speaking to the duty manager, it was fixed within the hour.
That evening, we returned to find rose petals on the bed and a chocolate mousse cake with an apology note.
Unfortunately, it had been left in our non-air-conditioned room in the tropics.
The cake had melted… everywhere.
We called reception and explained. They said it would be sorted.
Until checkout — when we were charged for a new duvet cover.
It didn’t stay on the bill for long.
Room break-in
At the Datai in Langkawi, we were sitting on our balcony when I noticed the door slightly open - I know I’d closed it.
As I mentioned it, a monkey appeared — holding fruit from our welcome basket.
Luckily, it chose mango (not my favourite).
We closed the door properly and watched it try the handle again. It nearly got back in.
From then on, we barricaded the door whenever we were on the balcony.
And one lesson learned…
Not all travel mishaps are funny.
While planning a big birthday trip to Australia, I was juggling prices in Australian dollars, Pound sterling and Russian rubles — converting everything back to pounds.
Unfortunately, instead of doubling one conversion, I halved it.
Those “special treat” hotels ended up costing four times what I thought.
I triple-check everything now.
Funny for some
I’ve got lots of other travel stories which we talk about a lot - a safari in Sri Lanka, running on fumes, driving through markets to name but a few but when I started to write, I realised that these are really funny stories for me and the people I was with but would mean nothing to others. And that’s the thing about a blog … it’s a tiny little capture of a lifetime of memories.